The Black Isle in the Scottish Highlands may well be a tourist's ideal: ancient villages in a beautiful rolling coastal landscape filled with myth and legend; but who the hell would want to grow up there? Certainly not Findo Gask, former child prodigy and by some distance Scotland's ugliest sixteen year old. He's stuck in his Gran's tiny house at the far end of a long single track road and no girl will even look at him, let alone touch his cock.

In a simple story of being sixteen in a place where nothing ever happens, (apart from trying to get served under-age; everybody hating him; suspected demonic possession; his Mum's mystery illness; his nutter Cousin; his nutter Cousin's nutter friend; the terrible misuse of farm equipment; bringing down Christianity; the family mermaid; exams; a spot of kidnapping; the legend of Bonnie Prince Charlie's silver spoons, and happening to be the person who solved the universe that morning without even using maths). All Findo really wants to do is to get drunk this weekend and somehow learn to cope with the forlorn hope of ever finding someone who'll want to touch his cock.

As for the Darwinian Terrorist Organisation he started when he was twelve: well that's all behind him now.

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